I love New York City, as 8 million other people do. Or a large fraction of the 8 million people that inhabit its congested, piss smelling streets. I love the fact that I can at any time step out of my room and wander the streets alone, I am not dependent on anyone to get anywhere and no one needs to know where I’m going. I love that there is something fascinating up every avenue, down every street and that just walking will keep me entertained.
And then there are nights, where I walk home alone, return to my room alone and sit all by myself with my thoughts eating me up inside. And no one knows, no one knows if I’m in my room or not, no one knows if there is something on my mind, no one knows because I don’t care to share. Because that is New York, you keep to yourself, you get your shit together on your own and people will only be there if you reach out to them. Even then who am I to know if they actually really care?
The truth is, New York is lonely, terribly lonely. It is full of people walking fast just so they can’t keep up with themselves. They don’t want to. If they do, half of them might break down. And they, like me are afraid that if they break down no one is going to come find them. Because nine times out of ten you wouldn’t know where to look for me. And I wouldn’t know where to look for you.
New York fosters individuality; it teaches you to be your own person in the most brilliant of ways. You become exactly who you want to be because you have the space and the opportunity to be that person. New York doesn’t foster relationships though. It is one or the other. You can’t have individual growth when you are integrated in so many other lives, then you have growth as a community, and in some ways you don’t grow because you don’t need to. You have the option to lean on someone, and someone can lean on you.
For the most part New York teaches you to step on people and not lean on them.
But don’t get me wrong, I still love New York. And it teaches you to be alone, and that sometimes it is okay to be alone and that is the only way to grow. But as humans, we are inherently dependent on each other. And I think to really be successful in New York you can go down two paths. You can either shut yourself off, where your social interactions are nothing but superficial, and you keep walking faster and become devoid of feelings. Or you can reach out and find people and form bonds with them that are meaningful and lasting. The latter is much harder to do. It is easier to dehumanize yourself in New York than it is to reach out to people and break their shells. But first, you need to break out of your own shell.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
― Rumi
And then there are nights, where I walk home alone, return to my room alone and sit all by myself with my thoughts eating me up inside. And no one knows, no one knows if I’m in my room or not, no one knows if there is something on my mind, no one knows because I don’t care to share. Because that is New York, you keep to yourself, you get your shit together on your own and people will only be there if you reach out to them. Even then who am I to know if they actually really care?
The truth is, New York is lonely, terribly lonely. It is full of people walking fast just so they can’t keep up with themselves. They don’t want to. If they do, half of them might break down. And they, like me are afraid that if they break down no one is going to come find them. Because nine times out of ten you wouldn’t know where to look for me. And I wouldn’t know where to look for you.
New York fosters individuality; it teaches you to be your own person in the most brilliant of ways. You become exactly who you want to be because you have the space and the opportunity to be that person. New York doesn’t foster relationships though. It is one or the other. You can’t have individual growth when you are integrated in so many other lives, then you have growth as a community, and in some ways you don’t grow because you don’t need to. You have the option to lean on someone, and someone can lean on you.
For the most part New York teaches you to step on people and not lean on them.
But don’t get me wrong, I still love New York. And it teaches you to be alone, and that sometimes it is okay to be alone and that is the only way to grow. But as humans, we are inherently dependent on each other. And I think to really be successful in New York you can go down two paths. You can either shut yourself off, where your social interactions are nothing but superficial, and you keep walking faster and become devoid of feelings. Or you can reach out and find people and form bonds with them that are meaningful and lasting. The latter is much harder to do. It is easier to dehumanize yourself in New York than it is to reach out to people and break their shells. But first, you need to break out of your own shell.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
― Rumi